I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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