Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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