just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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