why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
