Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
