the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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