Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
