Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
