why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize