Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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