so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
