We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
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My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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