mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??