You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
