I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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