Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
