Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
