I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
