She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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