is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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