So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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