shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
