Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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