You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize