I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
