My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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