and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
