I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
