If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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