I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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