Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
