I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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