Need sex. Gaining weight.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
