what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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