In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
