Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
