i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
