i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
