She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
