So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
