My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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