The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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