my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
