You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
