ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
