so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
