1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His hands were made for my vagina.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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