so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
