I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
