1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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