You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
