i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
