Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
