how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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