my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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