put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
