Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
