ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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