This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
