Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
