dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
