I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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