a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
